This is what trauma looks like…

I wrote this post in an actual triggered state:

Trauma and triggered moments are my nightmare. They come at random and they hijack my brain, my mind, my being. They take charge and whisper in my ear: you are alone, you are worthless, you are unloveable, and you are damaged. They fill me with fear, not love. Hate and self-loathing, not acceptance. There is no care and kindness for myself, only shame and blame.

These moments feel like drowning and suffocating in your own body. It is like being awake in a nightmare. I can’t make them stop sometimes. I can’t control them, and not being able to control your own mind is the most terrifying and horrific place I can imagine. I can’t relate to people. I can’t even relate to my own children. Everything around me feels separate and distant and far away; unreachable, untouchable.

I am unworthy of love and happiness. There is no future for me. I don’t exist and I am invisible, broken, and not seen or heard. If someone out there has the answer, the magic pill, the cure, the solution, let me know. I don’t want to live like this anymore.




resources for trauma:


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