It’s the little moments. They seem to hit the hardest and make the tears flow.
First day at a new job, thrilled and excited and SLAM. A wall hits me in the face because the person I would have called for the past 16 years is not there anymore.
Being on a plane, alone, for a conference for work and realizing that he isn’t there to text to say, “Hey, I’ve landed safely. Miss you. Love you.” He isn’t there and he doesn’t care.
And now, sitting at the airport ready to fly back home, more tears knowing I will face the same thing when I land and I will be going home to an empty house.
These little moments break me. They spring up out of nowhere and I am left sitting here feeling very lonely even though I am surrounded by people. In my sadness I assume that these people likely have families that will welcome them home with loving hugs and embraces.
It stings. It hurts. I know that this is my work right now. I know I have to be alone, but fuck. Sometimes it just sucks. And the longing for someone who is gone and the couple we used to be creeps in and I cry.
Again and again and again.