On being single

Just a brief bunch of rambling thoughts this morning.

My therapist and I made a deal. No dating for me for at least a year. Nada. No one in my life in that romantic, effervescent, bubbles in your stomach way.

No one to hold onto and make out with. Kissing is the BEST!

I know that there are single people everywhere. I know they function, they manage. Cooking for myself is something I am working on. Waking up, going to bed, these are things I am doing alone. Singing really loudly all over the house. Talking to my dogs. Wandering around thrift stores with no time limit. No one to go home to. Literally watching 3 straight hours of HIMYM. No one but me and no one to tell me that I should watch less tv, that I have to come home. There is no one to come home to anymore. I love the down time. My introvert self is relishing the space and the quiet. I feel a sense of freedom and a newfound love of having literally no adgenda other than my own.

But then there is the flip side. The reverse, the other side of the coin.

Sometimes I want someone to talk to (other than myself and the dogs). Sometimes I want to have a warm body to wake up next to. Where is my snuggle buddy for binge watching tv? For sharing a meal? For aimlessly wandering around in thrift stores hunting for treasure? I would love to have a human being around on my terms – when I want one.

Coming home from work after a brutally challenging day with 4-year-olds. That verbal processing time – face to face – is so important and I miss that. Someone who hugs me and says, “yeah, that sounds like a tough day”. I love holding hands, lying next to someone and talking for hours, finding an amazing hole-in-the-wall bar or diner. Some of these things I can do by myself. I mean, yes, I suppose I could hold my own damn hand but that would just be weird and dumb.

So, yeah. I am going to be single. I am going to do my best to stay out of any kind of serious relationship. I am building a network of friends who I can tell my anything and everything to and who love me more than anything.

I suppose I could date casually?

Nah. I don’t do anything casually. Ever.