I need to talk about love.
It is blowing my mind lately. The power of this anything but simple emotion. The layers, the subtle nuance of it. It can be anywhere from gentle to explosive; a pale pink to a deep fiery red.
Four little letters. Spoken to my children a dozen times a day. Texted to my friends. Texted to my ex (yes, that happened). But why, when said to certain individuals, does it seem to feel like this giant matzah ball of risk and uncertainty launched into space? Why does it hold more weight in different relationships? Why should it? Is it the nature of the relationship that changes the tone of the emotion? Or is it the feeling that then has a subtle (or not so subtle) effect on the relationship?
I want to love all the time. In all of its variations and algorithms. I have so much love inside of me I want to shout it to the world:
“I LOVE YOU GUYS!”
I am beginning to embody this emotion and not let it scare the crap out of me. Love is filling me up and making roots at the core of my being. I know this is my newfound vulnerability making a comfortable home in my heart. I feel like this tiny little powerhouse of a woman walking around with a wide-open gaping chest filled with an effervescent love. I can feel my heart opening and I really don’t feel scared. I feel brave and empowered. I feel awake and aware and alive.
For those of you that are ‘How I Met Your Mother’ fans, I am going to go all ‘Mosby’ and just start telling people that I love them – even if it scares them. I cannot keep it to myself. It is too much! It’s all bubbly and happy and I would be selfish to not share it with the people around me. My children, my friends, my family, the children I teach.
I told one of my kids at work that I loved her in front of her dad yesterday. Her dad made a surprised sound. WHY? Why does our society refrain from expressing this emotion in our day-to-day interactions with anyone outside of our families? Why does it carry this subtle taboo? Why should it come with an inherent perceived risk? I think it is the vulnerability piece yet again (I am really obsessed with this concept). People avoid being vulnerable at a great cost. When we put walls up around our hearts, we are not really living. If we taught our children and our families to love with all of their hearts and to be comfortable with expressing that love – no matter what – I truly believe the world would be a better place.
This is why I teach. If I can reach one 4-year-old and encourage that child to express her emotions, to feel her feelings, to embody love and let it shine, I am making the world a better place. One tiny human at a time.