By Rebuilding Amy

I am a newly single mother of 2 amazing children. I am processing through divorce, trauma, codependency, and trying to navigate my emotional sphere of shit. I believe in vulnerability, openness, real life, honesty, rawness, and swearing - a lot. This is my story, I hope it may resonate with you and as a result, maybe help you feel less alone.

Family of Three

I took the kids camping for a few days this week. It was a gorgeous spot situated right on a lake, complete with beachy-mud-sand. We had the place to ourselves and the weather could not have been better. Endless blue skies, big juicy clouds, and afternoon storms that would rage their way through our camp…

The Invisible Child

I have finally found the source of my hurt and my pain. The place where my anxiety and PTSD reside. The space within me that reacts with such an intense, emotional ferocity that I separate from reality. Reality becomes too frightening, and my brain protects me by disassociating. It is terrifying. It is debilitating. It…

Boundaries Are Vitally Important.

  Boundaries are about putting yourself first. They are about loving yourself and protecting yourself. When we establish reasonable boundaries in our lives, we are saying to ourselves: “I love myself enough to recognize that this behavior, or this toxic person in my life, does not serve me in any kind of healthy way, Boundaries are…

I’m Taking Back My Power

I lost mine for a long while. Or at the very least, I kept giving too much of it away. I lost my power in being a wife, in being a mother, in being someone’s lover. I let myself give and give until there was nothing left. I watched as my pieces floated away. I…

Everything was fine. Nobody was happy.

“How could anyone not fall in love with you?” My husband uttered those words to me when we first opened our marriage up to the idea of polyamory. We were in bed, snuggled up, surfing the web. We had just created our first online dating profiles and found ourselves completely addicted to, and fascinated by,…

Hope.

Sometimes I feel as though my emotions are compounded. They take shapes like oil bubbles rippling in water. They find each other and glob together to make what began as a manageable gentle sadness, turn into deep despair. Heartache turns into grief; raw and unfiltered. I am so done with grief. DONE. My chest feels…

Meditation

I have been meditating. FOR FOUR DAYS. Laugh all you want, but it feels like a miracle that I have been able to keep it up for that long. I have tried meditation before, but it always seemed to make me more anxious. I attributed it to a couple of things; the main ones being…

Connection

Meaningful connection. I am coming to understand that it is the life force that sustains me. I believe, with my whole self, that the moments where someone sees me for who I am, when someone completely ‘gets’ me, are the moments when I feel the safest in my life; grounded. I seek connection with people…

A Gentle Sadness

*First of all, I would like to apologize to my readers for having been gone so long. It wasn’t my intention; I have been healing and processing so much, I didn’t have the energy to write.*   I have come to accept that there is an undercurrent of sadness that gently flows beneath everything that…