Meaningful connection. I am coming to understand that it is the life force that sustains me. I believe, with my whole self, that the moments where someone sees me for who I am, when someone completely ‘gets’ me, are the moments when I feel the safest in my life; grounded. I seek connection with people…
I was in my yard the other day and there were leaves on the ground – not on the trees where they SHOULD be; all green and perky, glinting with dappled sunshine. The leaves I saw were brown and crunchy; shriveled and dead, pathetic. I internally shuddered. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love fall.…
Two days ago I told my ex that I wished our children had never been born. And in that moment, I meant it. Let me be very clear – I LOVE MY CHILDREN. They are amazing; kind, smart, loving, and a pain in the ass when they want to be. I grew them for fuck’s…
I am finally acknowledging something that hurts to admit. My age is starting to bug me. It is becoming a ‘thing’ my mind keeps coming back to. And per usual, I need to pay some attention to these thoughts; to process through them and make sense of the acute physical distress they are currently causing…
The kids and their dad move into the new house together with the girlfriend this weekend. This major transition is bringing up some seriously weird emotional shit for me. I know that it is my trauma rearing it’s ugly head in another attempt to shut me off emotionally again. I feel separate from the kids in…
It’s been a crazy 36 hours. I got divorced yesterday. At 8:30 in the morning. I found myself sitting next to a complete stranger; a person I might have thought was cute had I passed him on the street, but still, a stranger. This person sitting next to me on the bench felt oddly familiar…
I had to go into hiding; lockdown. I have been faced with yet another monstrous hurdle in this shit-show called divorce. The ex wants my kids (aged 9 and 7) to live in a home with multiple people; one of whom I do not know. Adults. His girlfriend is one of them and another male…
I have been promising to share with you some thoughts on DBT – dialectical behavioral therapy. I have been attending weekly sessions on this amazing practice for a few months now. DBT focuses on mindfulness as a daily practice and also presents different “modules” that focus on such topics as interpersonal communication, distress tolerance, emotion…
There is so much rage coursing through me. I cannot control it and I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to. Typically, I will get what I call a ‘rage-hangover’, because I am usually lambasting my ex and he shames me for my anger, he always has. I end up texting him relentlessly, telling him…
