From denial

Foxhole Friends

I am a fierce friend. I am the faithful dog that always comes back to be by your side, to help you when you’re struggling. I am the foxhole friend, the one who jumps right into the shit with you no matter what. I do not easily give up on people that I have let…

The Game

I really hate admitting this, but I need to because it’s the truth, I am depressed. I have most of the signs and symptoms. Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness, loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities, decreased energy, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite.…

I’m Taking Back My Power

I lost mine for a long while. Or at the very least, I kept giving too much of it away. I lost my power in being a wife, in being a mother, in being someone’s lover. I let myself give and give until there was nothing left. I watched as my pieces floated away. I…

Everything was fine. Nobody was happy.

“How could anyone not fall in love with you?” My husband uttered those words to me when we first opened our marriage up to the idea of polyamory. We were in bed, snuggled up, surfing the web. We had just created our first online dating profiles and found ourselves completely addicted to, and fascinated by,…

Loving Without Expectation

I have been reading loads of articles on letting go of expectations in regards to relationships. And I have come to the conclusion that I am not capable of this. Yet. Logically, I believe in everything I have read. Letting go of the need to box up a relationship and give it a name. Letting…

I am So Sorry

Sometimes I feel like you left because you were bored and restless. I feel like you left because you were unsatisfied with our marriage, our family, and your place within the life you and I had created together. I don’t think you wanted the responsibility of having a family or a mortgage. I believe that…

Resilience

I am in love with this word. The sheer power in evokes for me internally is enough right there. But it is so much more than that. It is strength, fierceness, power, fighting back, never giving up, never surrendering. It means that when life throws you a curve ball, you catch the damn thing and…

Chrysalis Soup

From National Geographic: But what goes on inside a pupa? We know that a larva releases enzymes that break down many of its tissues into their constituent proteins. Textbooks will commonly talk about the insect dissolving into a kind of “soup”, but that’s not entirely accurate. Some organs stay intact. Others, like muscles, break down into…

Relationship Addiction

Hi. My name is Amy and I am a relationship addict. Yes, it is a thing. A very real and very debilitating thing. From Ann Smith via Psychology Today: The relationship addict experiences intense “abandonment anxiety”. This anxiety triggers panic, low self worth, feelings of emptiness, isolation, and possibly depression. The addict may believe they are worthless without their partner.…