From lonliness

Vulnerability Hangover

*A bit of a rant this morning as I work my way through this latest hurdle* I have a vulnerability hangover and it’s bad. I opened myself up completely to someone and let love back into my life and into my heart; slowly and steadily over the past 5 months. I said goodbye to this…

(The Terror of) Opening Up

My fluctuations in mood, my state of being, and my every single moment-to-moment, keep having this disastrous effect on me. Their unpredictability and persistence are really messing with my mind and my confidence that this will some day be OVER. That every day will eventually be an empowered and happy one where I am totally self-reliant,…

Emotional Lasagna

I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness and how layered it is. My brain keeps calling it ’emotional lasagna’. When it comes up for me, it ranges from biting and sharp to a dull ache that persists for days. Sometimes loneliness is like a slap in the face laced with a stark emptiness and despair.…

Little Moments

It’s the little moments. They seem to hit the hardest and make the tears flow. First day at a new job, thrilled and excited and SLAM. A wall hits me in the face because the person I would have called for the past 16 years is not there anymore. Being on a plane, alone, for a…