From love

The Invisible Child

I have finally found the source of my hurt and my pain. The place where my anxiety and PTSD reside. The space within me that reacts with such an intense, emotional ferocity that I separate from reality. Reality becomes too frightening, and my brain protects me by disassociating. It is terrifying. It is debilitating. It…

Everything was fine. Nobody was happy.

“How could anyone not fall in love with you?” My husband uttered those words to me when we first opened our marriage up to the idea of polyamory. We were in bed, snuggled up, surfing the web. We had just created our first online dating profiles and found ourselves completely addicted to, and fascinated by,…

Loving Without Expectation

I have been reading loads of articles on letting go of expectations in regards to relationships. And I have come to the conclusion that I am not capable of this. Yet. Logically, I believe in everything I have read. Letting go of the need to box up a relationship and give it a name. Letting…

I am So Sorry

Sometimes I feel like you left because you were bored and restless. I feel like you left because you were unsatisfied with our marriage, our family, and your place within the life you and I had created together. I don’t think you wanted the responsibility of having a family or a mortgage. I believe that…

Resilience

I am in love with this word. The sheer power in evokes for me internally is enough right there. But it is so much more than that. It is strength, fierceness, power, fighting back, never giving up, never surrendering. It means that when life throws you a curve ball, you catch the damn thing and…

Birthday Thoughts

Today is my 43rd birthday. One year ago today, I wrote my first blog post. I was so distraught and so completely rocked with grief and emotion, my head and heart felt like they were exploding. I was working through SO MUCH and I needed an outlet. So, I bought a laptop, and I started…

Relationship Addiction

Hi. My name is Amy and I am a relationship addict. Yes, it is a thing. A very real and very debilitating thing. From Ann Smith via Psychology Today: The relationship addict experiences intense “abandonment anxiety”. This anxiety triggers panic, low self worth, feelings of emptiness, isolation, and possibly depression. The addict may believe they are worthless without their partner.…

L.O.V.E.

I have been having some of the most beautiful and poignant discussions around love lately. What it looks like, what it feels like, how it grows or fades, what it needs to blossom, and what it takes to make it go away. Because let’s be honest, sometimes we do need to make it go away.…

The Seasons Change (but sometimes we get stuck)

I was in my yard the other day and there were leaves on the ground – not on the trees where they SHOULD be; all green and perky, glinting with dappled sunshine. The leaves I saw were brown and crunchy; shriveled and dead, pathetic. I internally shuddered. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love fall.…