From parenting

When the Holidays Hurt.

I really wanted this to be a post that had a positive message. Truly, I did. I was hoping for something like: “How to survive the holidays after a divorce” or “7 ways to find your sanity and happiness during the holiday season”. I wanted this to be a “If I can survive the holidays,…

The Invisible Child

I have finally found the source of my hurt and my pain. The place where my anxiety and PTSD reside. The space within me that reacts with such an intense, emotional ferocity that I separate from reality. Reality becomes too frightening, and my brain protects me by disassociating. It is terrifying. It is debilitating. It…

Connection

Meaningful connection. I am coming to understand that it is the life force that sustains me. I believe, with my whole self, that the moments where someone sees me for who I am, when someone completely ‘gets’ me, are the moments when I feel the safest in my life; grounded. I seek connection with people…

The Guilt of Divorce.

Two days ago I told my ex that I wished our children had never been born. And in that moment, I meant it. Let me be very clear – I LOVE MY CHILDREN. They are amazing; kind, smart, loving, and a pain in the ass when they want to be. I grew them for fuck’s…

Do Not Love Me.

The kids and their dad move into the new house together with the girlfriend this weekend. This major transition is bringing up some seriously weird emotional shit for me. I know that it is my trauma rearing it’s ugly head in another attempt to shut me off emotionally again. I feel separate from the kids in…

Straight up RANT.

I had to go into hiding; lockdown. I have been faced with yet another monstrous hurdle in this shit-show called divorce. The ex wants my kids (aged 9 and 7) to live in a home with multiple people; one of whom I do not know. Adults. His girlfriend is one of them and another male…

From monogamy to polyamory………… a checklist (of sorts)

Do you have what it takes? You have been thinking about becoming polyamorous. You find that the lifestyle resonates deeply with you emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. But are you truly prepared to unwind years of monogamy? Years of social conditioning and systematic reinforcement that you only need one person, a soul mate, a ’till death do us…

How NOT to treat a human being

There is so much rage coursing through me. I cannot control it and I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to. Typically, I will get what I call a ‘rage-hangover’, because I am usually lambasting my ex and he shames me for my anger, he always has. I end up texting him relentlessly, telling him…

Digging Deep

Most days I wake up feeling a tightness in my chest. I feel instantly anxious; filled with emotions that range from hopeful and present, to scared and confused. For a long stretch of time, I was feeling good. My husband and I got into a routine with the kids – they do 3.5 days with…