From PTSD

Have you evolved?

A few days ago, I read a blog post that discussed non-monogamy vs. monogamy and the fact that these two lifestyle choices are often pitted against one another. And, more specifically, that mono people are often perceived as being ‘close-minded’ for their choices. The author touched on something that got me thinking – something I experienced…

Badassery

I am just so happy that I had to write again. The absolute nuttiest thing just happened. Okay, it happened over 3 hours ago, but it happened and it was nutty. My ex texted me a fucking bomb. I knew it would come eventually, that it was inevitable, but man, this feels like too much…

(The Terror of) Opening Up

My fluctuations in mood, my state of being, and my every single moment-to-moment, keep having this disastrous effect on me. Their unpredictability and persistence are really messing with my mind and my confidence that this will some day be OVER. That every day will eventually be an empowered and happy one where I am totally self-reliant,…

Beautiful Possibilites

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters By Portia Nelson I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out. II I walk down the same street. There is a…

How NOT to treat a human being

There is so much rage coursing through me. I cannot control it and I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to. Typically, I will get what I call a ‘rage-hangover’, because I am usually lambasting my ex and he shames me for my anger, he always has. I end up texting him relentlessly, telling him…

After the Children

I am in the rabbit hole. I am at the bottom of my rollercoaster. My husband just called my blog – this blog – “absurd, self-indulgent bullshit” My hurt is real. My feelings of inadequacy and rejection – those are real. My abandonment, my pain, my feelings of guilt, rejection, betrayal, ALL REAL. My blog…

In Defense of Polyamory

I would like to make something very clear. Polyamory was not the direct cause of the dissolution of my marriage. It was an indirect cause. It ignited a fire in a relationship that was already fractured (mixed metaphors, I know). You can count on poly to be a lot of hard work, emotional upheaval, and,…

Polyamory 101 and how we fucked it up

There were so many fucking times my husband and I should have stopped our failed attempt at polyamory. We had actual conversations and examined it from every angle. Should we stop? Is this hurting us or making us stronger? What if this breaks us? What about the kids? We seriously had these conversations and always…

How polyamory cracked me wide open

Polyamory. Heard of it? It is a lifestyle choice. It is the belief that ethical non-monogamy is a more natural way of love and life for some (not all) people. It rests on the belief that no one person can meet all of your needs. No one relationship can fulfill you; that monogamy is not a…