I’m Taking Back My Power

I lost mine for a long while.

Or at the very least, I kept giving too much of it away.

I lost my power in being a wife, in being a mother, in being someone’s lover. I let myself give and give until there was nothing left. I watched as my pieces floated away. I kept handing them out to everyone, unaware that anything was wrong. And now, I find myself on this exhausting mission of going out and having to find them; my lost pieces.

I am still rebuilding.

Every single time I gave away my power, I damaged my own self reliance. I stopped learning to care for myself, to care about myself. I slowly became invisible and very nearly forgot who I was.

I got so lost, I forgot how to breathe on my own.

I let other people do my breathing for me. I let other people step in when things got too difficult for me to manage emotionally. I put other people in charge of my emotions; my emotional stability and safety. I kept reaching out, always looking for help. Seeking love, comfort, safety, and peace – outside of myself. But truthfully, at the time, I really didn’t know any better. I didn’t realize I was giving away my power.

Now I do. I absolutely do.

I have created a bubble, an invisible bubble, around my entire body, my heart, and my mind. I am setting boundaries for the first time in a very long time. I am keeping my power within me now. I get to keep my emotions, worries, vulnerability, racing thoughts, nervousness, anxiety, and my happiness.

Those are all mine. They are raw, they are messy, and they are perfect. They are a mere fraction of what lies inside of me; the fire in my belly. Those things belong to me and to no one else. I have learned that it is okay to let them out in gentle bits and tiny breaths because that is all that the world can handle.

I can handle the internal tsunami that lives inside of me now.

I have found my power; it was inside of me all along.

 

*to all of the people who loved me enough to hold onto my power and keep it safe for me until I was able to hold it on my own, I am forever grateful.*

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